Sex Archives - Flowertown https://www.flowertown.com/tag/sex/ Your trusted source in cannabis Tue, 11 Jun 2019 22:54:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.3 Why cannabis is a better aphrodisiac than alcohol https://www.flowertown.com/wellness/cannabis-aphrodisiac/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=cannabis-aphrodisiac Mon, 25 Feb 2019 19:57:41 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=5543 3 min read Steamy nights and altered perceptions go hand in hand. But if you want an aphrodisiac for passionate sex, not all substances are the same.

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3 min read

For all the perks that come with sex, it can also be awkward, painful, or even embarrassing. To alleviate these anxieties, people sometimes choose to lubricate their sexual encounters (pun intended) with substances. After all, what’s a romantic night without a shared bottle of wine?

Why cannabis is a better aphrodisiac than alcohol

If we’ve learned anything from the classic film Eyes Wide Shut, steamy nights and altered perceptions go hand in hand. Whether we like it or not, lubricating sex with substances will happen; the question is which substance will present the least amount of obstacles on the path to intimacy. The problem with most intoxicants is that while they may numb the critical voice in your head so you can feel more “in-your-body,” they also have the power to numb all the amazing emotions and sensations sex can bring.

If you are going to use a substance before sex, experts in legalized states say cannabis is the one to choose. According to sexologist Nick Karras, “unlike alcohol which impairs your senses and judgment, cannabis heightens and focuses your awareness.” On the flip side, alcohol can increase aggressiveness and impair memory–two things that don’t lead to connection but rather a night you’d like to (and may very well) forget. Choosing cannabis over alcohol can increase intimacy with your partner by focusing awareness on each other, and stop you from making the questionable sex choices you would make if you had a few too many.

Why cannabis is a better aphrodisiac than alcohol

Even pediatricians have weighed in on the issue. Consuming intoxicants before sex is especially prevalent amongst teenagers, as the first sexual experience can be the most nerve-wracking. Pediatrician and parent, Aaron E. Carroll, wrote in the New York Times that when we acknowledge the reality that teenagers will likely consume something, the risks involved with cannabis and sex “seem scary only when viewed in isolation. Put them next to alcohol, and everything looks different.” Carroll goes on to say that the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence reports that alcohol use is a factor in 40 percent of all violent crimes in the United States (including 37 percent of rapes and 27 percent of aggravated assaults), whereas cannabis has no such association. He concludes, “when someone asks me whether I’d rather my children use pot or alcohol, after sifting through all the studies and all the data, I still say ‘neither’… But if I’m forced to make a choice, the answer is ‘marijuana.’”

Of course, the best reason to choose cannabis over alcohol is that it’s simply a better experience. In a recent study conducted by the Archive of Sexual Behavior, an overwhelming majority of people questioned said they prefer having sex while high more than having sex while drunk. Unlike alcohol, there is a little-proven correlation to cannabis use and men’s ability to perform. In many studies, the opposite holds true for cannabis and performance–especially for women. Perhaps this is why cannabis users report having more sex than those who do not partake.

Of course, the best reason to choose cannabis over alcohol is that it’s simply a better experience.

So, next time you feel anxiety creep in, and you want to reach for a vice before hitting the bedroom, remember not all substances are the same. When you get beyond the good and evil and accept the reality of substance use for sex, more productive conversations can be had on which substance will increase intimacy, not prevent it. With all the information we know now, the answer is clear: when it comes to true connection and substance use, one beats out the rest.

Curious about where to start? Check out our 5 products to get it on.

 

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Sex and cannabis: a New York panel https://www.flowertown.com/wellness/sex-cannabis-new-york-panel/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=sex-cannabis-new-york-panel Tue, 12 Feb 2019 18:40:49 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=5395 4 min read In New York, five experts met to discuss cannabis for sexual health and exploration. Find out what happened here.

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4 min read

The first Friday of February, a panel of sex experts and cannabis industry professionals gathered to talk to some of New York’s health and wellness enthusiasts about the potential of cannabis for sexual healing and exploration. Held at The Alchemist’s Kitchen, a “botanical dispensary and whole-plant coffee bar” in Manhattan’s East Village, sex & cannabis experts touched on a broad range of topics related to cannabis and intimacy.

Before the packed event, attendees eagerly discussed their personal relationships with cannabis, interacting with event and sales staff, and purchasing CBD products from the shop. The room was buzzing with the energy of cannabis enthusiasts welcoming a new industry to New York.

The panel, facilitated by Anna Duckworth (Editor-in-Chief, Miss Grass) and featuring Cyo Nystrom (Quim Rock), Kimberly Dillon (Papa & Barkley), Gabrielle Alexa (sex writer & content creator) and Mathew Gerson (Foria), focused on the varying ways in which cannabis can both improve a healthy sex life with a partner, facilitate solo sexual exploration, and help heal common issues in intimacy. The predominantly women-led panel approached intimate areas of women’s sexual health, such as vaginal dryness, tightness, and discomfort during sex.

Each panelist discussed their personal experience with the products frankly and openly. Ms. Nystrom shared the benefits of cannabis oil for vaginal health, expressing it as akin to a nightly skin care routine to prevent conditions such as yeast infections and UTIs. THC/CBD lubricants, anal suppositories, and topical cannabis products were presented for their ability to stimulate blood flow and heighten sensations. Ms. Duckworth then guided the conversation toward cannabis as potential anxiety relief for those who have suffered sexual trauma or PTSD.

Consent on cannabis is a grey area that merits further discussion; thankfully, the panelists approached it with a variety of viewpoints. Ms. Dillon, Ms. Duckworth, and Ms. Alexa led a thoughtful conversation that focused on the importance of establishing boundaries with a partner before consuming cannabis, especially when THC (the psychoactive component) is involved. They also stressed the importance of actively discussing consent with non-intoxicating cannabis products, such as topical or CBD-dominant products.

With the exception of Ms. Alexa, all panelists were based in the legalized state of California, leaving a noticeable gap in the conversation for New Yorkers. One audience member pointed out that while they spoke, thousands of people are still incarcerated for possession of cannabis due to its non-legal status in most US states. She then asked how cannabis industry leaders are actively inviting those who have been marginalized or criminalized into these high-income spaces and conversations. Ms. Dillon acknowledged this reality and pledged a commitment to include more diverse communities in the cannabis and wellness space through outreach. As these conversations become more mainstream in new markets, it is clear that the industry and thought leaders must include more nuanced conversations that address these realities and provide audiences with alternative suggestions for products legal to purchase in their state.

Flowertown Sex and cannabis in New York a panel

Overall, the panelists were thoughtful and insightful, and shared a variety of intriguing cannabis-based products for sexual health. When experimenting with any lubricant, cream or oil designed for the genitals, always try it first on your arm to ensure no allergies before applying to genitals or any more sensitive area. Engage in active consent conversations with a partner, and ensure you are in a safe and comfortable setting.

Below are some of the top products from Papa & Barkley, Foria, and Quim Rock. Linked here are THC versions of products, available in California, Colorado, and Canadian dispensaries; if you are in a non-legalized state, hemp-based CBD-only versions of some of these products are available to purchase online in all states.

Pleasure by Foria – natural arousal lube with THC (CBD available)

Releaf Balm by Papa & Barkley – targeted topical relief (CBD available)

Night Moves Intimate Oil by Quim Rock – cannabis oil designed to increase sensation and heighten arousal

 

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The best products for an uplifting Valentine’s Day https://www.flowertown.com/culture/best-valentines-day-products/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=best-valentines-day-products Wed, 06 Feb 2019 18:24:29 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=5304 4 min read Explore the realm of sensual cannabis products, sure to elevate any romantic plans for Valentine’s Day.

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4 min read

Romance is in the air, but it could definitely do with some company. Cannabis goodies can improve your Valentine’s Day plans whether you’re just setting the mood or igniting a little extra passion.


Cannabis in the clouds

If you and your significant other are staunch flower lovers there are two strains you should definitely consider: Skywalker and Atomic Northern Lights. These hybrids mix euphoria with a nice body high that doesn’t make you immobile.

For the more discreet, arouse by dosist offers our California readers a scintillating vaporizer pen. This THC-forward formula will have you cozying up to your partner in no time.



Relaxing aromatherapy

Set the stage for your romantic tryst with a QueenGreen candle or two. Despite its name, this member of the Kushed Candles lineup is actually rather sweet with enough musky undertones to prevent it from being overbearing. The candle comes in a wide range of sizes, including some 6 oz gold travel tins — in case you’re hitting the road this Valentine’s day.



A bouquet they’ll never forget

Send some green flowers this year with Lowell Farms’ cannabis bouquet. The arrangement features about an ounce worth of marijuana for a cool $400. Lowell Farms will only deliver within Los Angeles, but you can find out if they ship to a California dispensary near you!



A tantalizing bubble bath

Whether you’re drawing a bath for your loved one or joining them for some bubbly footsie, you can’t go wrong with a bath bomb. The irreverent Kush Queen’s Love CBD Bath Bomb, which ships everywhere, is all about soaking up the mood. For a more intense effect, you can try out their 1:1 CBD to THC version at your local California dispensary.



A cannabis-infused dinner

Want to skip the busy restaurants where someone’s proposing every few minutes? Enjoy a nice night in with a cannabis-infused meal. “The Easy Cannabis Cookbook” by Cheri Sicard will walk you through the creation of sweet and savory edibles. Control the dose as you see fit, for a jovial culinary experience.



Some decadent chocolates

What’s Valentine’s Day without chocolate? Satori makes delicious milk and dark chocolate bars that are so easy to eat, you might forget that each square is 10 mg of THC (don’t forget that, please).



A sensual lubricant you’ll use past February

Foria’s Awaken lubricant is not only a hot cannabis product, it’s knocked some regular lubricants off some nightstands. It’s oil-based so it doesn’t play well with latex and should be used with silicone toys. Awaken only contains CBD, so it can be enjoyed by all, but its THC sister, Pleasure, is only available in California, Colorado, and Canada.

 

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Treat your partner to an infused romantic dinner tonight https://www.flowertown.com/culture/romantic-dinner/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=romantic-dinner Tue, 05 Feb 2019 18:47:19 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=5297 3 min read Looking to spice up your Valentine’s Day? Cannabis might be just what you need to make your home-cooked dinner date a true celebration.

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3 min read

Cooking a meal for your partner is arguably one of the most thoughtful and romantic things you can do for them. It definitely beats going out to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day, with the crowds, the lines, and the Uber surge-pricing.

Instead, you could prepare a romantic infused dinner. Cannabis has been hitting new strides in many industries and the culinary one is no exception. The plant’s growing prevalence has encouraged plenty of gourmet chefs to experiment with ways to expand their menus.

Flowertown Treat your partner to an infused romantic dinner tonight

By getting dosage just right and pairing the certain strains with the right flavors, they’ve introduced many people to a culinary experience that connects them to the food and to each other. “Consuming cannabis and dining are a perfect marriage to me. It’s a new way to engage the possibilities of alternative medicine and to engage with friends [or loved ones!],” Chef Andrea Drummer tells Vogue. Drummer says that pairing foods with certain strains can really enhance its flavors, while its inevitable effects would make participants more open and free. Even sexologists like Nick Karras believe, “dinner is the most powerful form of foreplay.”

If you’re in a cannabis-friendly relationship, why not try cooking a romantic infused dinner for your loved one? Not only can you prepare a dish that will certainly please your taste buds, but you can also forge the opportunity to engage and connect with your partner in ways that you haven’t before (or at least in a long time).

Flowertown Treat your partner to an infused romantic dinner tonight

There are plenty of ways to have an infused dinner, but the key is to know what you and your partner can handle. Drummer says that a “basic to mild” dose for the average person is somewhere between 10 to 25 mg. “Whether you’re using an infused oil, a butter, or tinctures, understand your product—where it comes from, the levels of THC, and how to properly dose the food. You want your friends [or loved ones] to have a positive experience,” she says.

One of the easiest ways to incorporate cannabis into your cooking is by using cannabis-infused butter or cooking oils, the recipes of which are plentiful with a Google search. For starters, you could try this Seared Scallops with Fennel Slaw, which calls for a drizzle of infused olive oil. The main course doesn’t have to be at all complicated, like a classic Pad Thai dish, made by Chef Peabody. Finally, dessert can be as sweet as this salted caramel pretzel bark. Get creative too: add some essential oils to add different flavors and aromas.

If you’re a beginner, we recommend choosing one dish to infuse for starters. For some, having an infused appetizer makes for a perfectly elevated experience for the rest of the meal. It all depends on the individual, so remember to always start out small. Once you get your proper dosage figured out, the possibilities are quite limitless when it comes to cannabis-infused cooking! And soon, you and your partner will share a meal unlike any other.

 

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Five products to get it on https://www.flowertown.com/wellness/5-products-to-get-it-on/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=5-products-to-get-it-on Fri, 01 Feb 2019 20:45:25 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=5178 5 min read Just in time for Valentine’s Day 2019, here are five of Flowertown’s favorite cannabis products to get you in the mood.

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5 min read

Whether you are single or taken this holiday, Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to explore your sensuality. Here are five of our favorite cannabis products that will level up the romance and increase intimacy.

Kikoko’s Sensuali-tea

Available in California.

Kikoko offers a variety of excellent cannabis-infused herbal teas for every occasion, but take one look at the reviews for Sensuali-Tea and it’s clear that this product is something special. Their organically sun-grown cannabis is blended with other natural aphrodisiacs and plant medicines like rose petals to relieve anxiety and cloves to increase blood circulation (aka enhance performance). An Organic Hibiscus Cardamom Rose Tea made for connection and intimacy, Sensuali-tea intensifies orgasms and promises “utterly heavenly sex.” For those curious, caffeine-free tea bags are sold in individual packets or in a tin of ten. Single this Valentine’s Day? Consider buying a few tins and hosting a Kikoko High Tea Party for other singles to mix and mingle.


How to use

Pour 6-8 ounces of boiling water over one Kikoko tea bag. Steep for at least 90 seconds, when all the active cannabis ingredient is dissolved. Steep longer for taste. Wait 90 minutes to feel the effects (enough time for a dinner date). For newbies, Kikoko recommends splitting a cup with your partner.


Price

$6 – $10 per sachet, $44 – $60 per tin.

Potency

7mg THC per tea bag


The Passion Pen or Arouse Pen by Dosist

Available in California.

Dosist actually offers two different vape options for a night of intimacy. The Passion Pen delivers “a euphoric feeling designed to increase sensuality and heighten your sexual experience,” while their Arouse Pen is formulated to “help you feel aroused and enhance your excitement.” Both products are THC-dominant with small amounts of CBD to enhance the relaxing effects without getting lazy. While we’re not sure what the difference between the two really is, Dosist says it’s in the terpenes: the Passion Pen incorporates myrcene and limonene for a musky citrus flavor, while the Arouse Pen is primarily made up of linalool and farnesene for a spicy yet floral aroma. If you want to do your own comparison, skip the 200 dose pen and buy their 50 dose pen in both Passion and Arouse.

Passion


How to use

The dose pen is easy to use. Just inhale at a normal, consistent rate, and the vaporizer will shut off automatically after 3 seconds. A slight vibration will inform you when you’ve received the precise amount of 2.25 MG of your chosen formula.


Price

200 dose pen $100
50 dose pen $40

Potency

11:1 THC-to-CBD
2.25mg per dose



Arouse


How to use

The dose pen is easy to use. Just inhale at a normal, consistent rate, and the vaporizer will shut off automatically after 3 seconds. A slight vibration will inform you when you’ve received the precise amount of 2.25 MG of your chosen formula.


Price

200 dose pen $100
50 dose pen $40

Potency

10:1 THC-to-CBD
2.25mg per dose


High Love

Available in Colorado.

This Colorado-based company mixes two well-known aphrodisiacs into one sexy chocolate bar

Incorporating everyone’s favorite strain, Blue Dream, into a medley of plant medicines catered to improving sexy time and infused into rich dark chocolate. The blend includes some lesser-known medicinal plants like “damiana to curb inhibition, Catuaba to increase sexual desire, theobromine for energy, Ashwagandha to reduce stress and boost libido, and Muira Puama, known as the ‘Viagra of the Amazon.’”


How to use

Indulge in a bean or two depending on your tolerance level. You’ll start feeling frisky about 20 minutes later.


Price

$28 per package

Potency

5 mg THC | 5 mg CBD per bean


Herba Buena Quiver Sensual Pleasure Oil

Available in California.

Top Chef’s Casey Thompson named Quiver “the best lube ever,” while SF Chronicle Green State calls it “the best intimacy oil” yet. Herba Buena promises heightened awareness, lubrication, and euphoria. Their special blend is formulated to “enhance arousal, extend orgasm, and ease menstrual cramps.” With hints of vanilla, cinnamon, and clove, this oil is not only great for the main event but romantic massages as well. Also, be warned: like all oil-based lubes, this product is not latex-condom safe.


How to use

Massage in and around your private parts alone or with a partner, or use as a massage oil for any part of the body.


Price

$50 per 30 ml bottle

Potency

120 mg THC | 0 mg CBD per package


Foria Awaken

Can be shipped anywhere.

Not in California or Colorado? Not to worry–the weed lube brand, Foria, has come up with a solution. Their new product, Awaken, is designed to deliver similar effects to their original THC-infused lube for women that don’t live in legalized states. With a rich mint and chocolate aroma, Awaken combines 8 natural aphrodisiacs with hemp-based CBD to heighten pleasure and ease discomfort. Like the lube above, this product is coconut oil-based and therefore does not work with latex.


How to use

Massage in and around your private parts alone or with a partner, or use as a massage oil for any part of the body.


Price

$48 per bottle

Potency

Broad-spectrum CBD from hemp organically-grown in the USA


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Interview with a sexologist https://www.flowertown.com/wellness/interview-with-a-sexologist/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=interview-with-a-sexologist Fri, 11 Jan 2019 10:10:38 +0000 https://www.flowertown.com/?p=4373 11 min read Nick Karras is an author and sexologist who has become an expert on cannabis in the bedroom.

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11 min read

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Nick Karras embodies all the qualities you want from your sexologist. He’s open, understanding, easygoing, and observant. He is also the author of Passionate High: A Guide to Using Cannabis for Better Sex and Creativity, who has spent years studying how cannabis affects the brain. We caught up with Nick to talk all things sex and cannabis.

You’ve studied the interaction of sex and cannabis for a few years now. What were some of the most surprising things you found?

Throughout my research we were asking subjects questions like, why do you smoke? What are the mental effects? We looked at age, financial demographics, everything. What blew me away is that a very small percentage of people across the board were using cannabis for sex, but they were using it for everything else. It was interesting to me because I never thought of it as a creative outlet–I had always used it for sexual experiences only. But I was hearing from musicians, artists, and all kinds of people who would tell me “a small amount of this strain and my creativity comes out.”

I had accountants tell me that their accuracy rate went way up when they took a small amount of a particular strain. I had a neuroscientist tell me that before he did surgery, he would take a small amount of tincture to calm himself down. When he was working on a brain afterward, his senses felt more alive and nimble. Those fascinating results are what sent me down the path of wanting to know what cannabis does to the brain. I wanted to know why these people were having all these different effects and how we can control those effects.

And what effects did you find to be most consistent?

I call it the “bouquet of cognitive effects.” There are five features [that are consistent when consuming cannabis]: hyperfocus, pattern recognition, enhanced imagination, increased empathy and episodic memory retrieval. So, let’s start with hyperfocus. People refer to it as the zen effect–it’s when you get into a zone and you’re more present. Then, there’s enhanced pattern recognition. This is important for couples because in order to move forward on a problem, you first have to start seeing patterns. When I am coaching couples with sexual issues, sometimes a partner says something that subconsciously triggers the other without either of them knowing it, and it’s the same word or phrase every time. By tapping into pattern recognition, you are more aware of what’s going on.

To me, the increased imagination is the best part of cannabis–you see the world differently. I love when I’m laying with a lover, smoking some cannabis after incredible sex. We lay there and being high, you come up with these crazy ideas, like, “hey, lets move to Rome!” Of course, the next morning over breakfast you would look at each other and say, “yeah, we were stoned and that was silly.” But some of the stuff is good! That’s why I tell clients that when you are high and you get these lofty ideas, actually write those ideas down and ask yourself where they came from. Maybe they are things you actually want to do–I have personally based a lot of my life decisions on stuff that would come from that space.

Enhanced episodic memory takes you back to the past. For instance, maybe you get high and hear a song you listened to when you were a teenager. You click back to that moment, you go to that place, and you feel that memory with a lot of detail and vividness. For instance, a lot of couples who see me say they want to return to the feeling they had at the beginning, when they first met. So, I’d suggest to design a little ceremony.

Get pictures out of when you first met. Lay them around you and your partner. Second, dim the lights to create a romantic atmosphere. Then, maybe put on the music you listened to when you first met or made love. Once you consume a little cannabis and start looking at these pictures or telling stories, trust me–you get back into it. The body holds a lot of knowledge and that’s why these visuals, smells, and sounds will bring memories back. Cannabis can help ignite those imprints on your memory and bring out those stories that the body holds.

I love the idea of creating your own ceremony for a more connected experience. I think it’s so important to consume with intention, particularly if you want to access the benefits of the plant.

Yeah, it’s just another wonderful tool for addressing relationship issues when they come up. If you have an issue, sit down together with that issue, write down what you want to talk about, and what you want to put into the experience. Do the ceremony by getting a bit of a high going, then address the issue and write down ideas. With your enhanced empathy and increased imagination, things look more possible.

If you repeat that four or five times it’s usually enough to change a train of thought so it comes naturally to you, without the help of cannabis. The nice part about cannabis is that you can use it for problem solving, then put it away until another problem comes up. Some people think I’m insinuating to only have sex while high and I am absolutely not. It’s just another way to think differently and change the way you are seeing.

Flowertown Interview with a sexologist

And what about the “increased empathy” effect of consuming cannabis? You say, “a highlight of the high is empathy.” Can you expand on that phenomenon and how cannabis brings out empathy?

When I was doing my research, I kept hearing that. So I wondered, how was this possible? Where does empathy really come from? I assumed we are just born with empathy, but that’s not true. Empathy is taught–it’s a social construct. Do some research on empathy and you’ll find out that it’s something we learn. In my opinion, cannabis wakes us up and slows us down, so we are better able to walk in each other’s shoes. There’s even a growing movement of mothers who microdose cannabis in order to relate better to their children. These mothers say they feel more compassion and more empathy for their child after consuming a small amount of cannabis.

That’s fascinating! Speaking of microdosing, can you talk about why you say “microdosing is everything’ when it comes to cannabis and intimacy?

In my book, I give three classifications of a high: light touch (level 1), classic high (level 2), and stoned (level 3). Microdosing allows you to take a small amount and then sit with it. My preference for couples starting out is to begin with flower. It’s easier to get a gram of a bunch of different strains (you can get a gram [in California] for 7 or 8 bucks now) of flower than with other methods. Ingest them, see what you like and adjust accordingly. Within five minutes you can feel the cognitive effects, then take note of what you like and dislike. In the bedroom, play with microdosing so that you find that happy place before you get all the way to the “stoned” level. Most people go all the way to stoned, but they are missing all the cognitive benefits when they do.

What would you suggest for a couple that react very differently to the same strain or dose of cannabis?

When I was doing my research I would provide what I like to call “doobettes,” where I would get different strains and then I would roll these tiny little joints (just enough for two evenings of microdosing). We would try indicas, sativas, hybrids–and I was surprised by how many couples picked different strains. If you think about everyone in your life, you’ll notice a lot of people will take anxiety, frustration, and worry and put it into different places. Some people will put it in their heads; they’ll get migraines. Others will put it in their body; they’ll have gastrointestinal issues. We all hold our problems differently. And usually in a couple, we generally pair up with our opposites. So for many, the best strain for them isn’t going to be the same strain as their partner.

So yes, the couples I researched usually ended up with their own strain. The amount also varies, so one person could need to smoke 2 or 3 times as much as the other one to get the same effect. For couples like this, I suggest that on different (non-sexual) evenings, people should experiment and go on a personal journey by themselves. Play with different strains. It’s like asking which essential oils work best for you. What works to calm you down or stimulate you is going to be different from what works for another person.

In experiencing better sex with your partner, you speak a lot about embracing the sensual side of yourself. Can you talk both about your definition of sensuality and why it is so important to tap into your personal sensuality before trying to connect with someone else?

We live in a world right now that values competition over compassion, strength over wisdom, greed over generosity, and conformity over novelty. These priorities put us in our head–they take us out of our body and out of our heart. To me, most illnesses or problems with people are because they have lost that mind-body connection.

When clients come in, I always ask, where do you hold more knowledge? Your body or your mind? People always say the mind, but I disagree. The body actually holds more knowledge. Somebody famous once said, “the mind will never be able to make you happy.” The mind was created to problem solve. The mind was created to protect you so that you don’t get eaten by another creature. Your body is what gives you ease. Your body is what gives you joy. People have lost that connection.

People ask me, “why do I have no desire or feel any sexuality?” I ask them to tell me about the passion in their life. What are they doing that’s passionate? What are they doing for their body? What takes them out of their mind? They usually look at me blankly and respond, “well, I have to work all day, then I go home, etc.” Well, if you are not being sensual in any way, how do you expect yourself to be sexual?

Sexuality organically comes from your body’s sensuality. So I will tell people–for example, I am a light freak because I was a photographer and if you ever go to my house, my house has dimmers on all the lights–

Flowertown Interview with a sexologist

I love that you have a portion in your guide that’s dedicated to lighting and pleasuring the senses. That was awesome–it’s so true and so real.

It’s so real! And yet, nobody thinks about it. As Timothy Leary says, “it’s all about set and setting.” I tell people, if you want to be more sexual, clean up your house first. Have a place that is organized. Choose lighting fixtures that have warm tones. Have music on–I’m surprised by how many people don’t have music in their home. Not loud music that has words in it that’s going to take someone back to a memory, but soothing music or a drum beat. If you want to get in the mood and you want to have more sex, you have to start playing with all of these little things. And taste! My god, food. The sensuality of food…

I grew up with a Greek father who owned a restaurant. When my dad wanted to make love to my mother in the evening after all the kids went to bed, he would start with dinner. He called dinner “the most powerful form of foreplay there is.”

He would put music on, dim the lights. She would sit on the counter and he would make her food. He would cut up rosemary for her and say, “smell this.” That turned the body back on and the mind off. And to me, that’s where sex comes from. Most sexologists will say, “plan a date night” or “go to the movies,” do this or that. The reality is you don’t have to do that. Some of the stuff works, but most of it is so cliché and over-beaten. For many, just a warm bath and taking care of themselves helps them feel sensual.

In your book you talk about how what most consider a failed date night (because they didn’t actually end up having sex) can actually be a positive. What would you say to a couple who tried cannabis in the bedroom for the first time and had a different night than they expected?

It was interesting when I sent the research couples home with cannabis who hadn’t made love in a long time. Some couples would come back and tell me they fell asleep in each other’s arms, or had a deep heart to heart–that’s intimacy! They would tell me these things then say, “but we didn’t make love.” They were missing the whole point. They did make love; it isn’t always about intercourse. Before you have the hot and passionate sex life, you have to create that connection–not only with yourself and your body but with your partner also.

Especially now with millenials (who grew up with their sex education being porn), they have no clue what foreplay is. Most people are not romantic at all. And at the same time, there are so many articles out there saying “sex is good for you, if you have more sex it will help with migraines, sex will help with stress, etc.” This is all true, sure. But benefits don’t come from that wam-bam-thank-you-ma’m-type sex. That’s not going to get results. The key is to slow down and to live a passionate life. That’s what I see going away more and more: the passion.

Flowertown Interview with a sexologist

Agreed. It’s so important to remind ourselves that sex is much more than penetration. As we wrap up, any last thoughts you’d like to share?

Well, it’s been very difficult as a sexologist lately because I’m watching the decline of sex before my eyes. It’s going away. Anxiety is high, suicide in men is high, stress is very high. Yet, it’s one of the safest periods that humans have ever lived in. We have more than we have ever had in the past and yet, we are extremely fearful and anxious. That’s reflected in our sexuality. Because in order for people to be more sexual, you need to feel safe, confident, and you need to have all your other needs met. So when people have any form of anxiety, the first thing to go is sexuality. Cannabis can help with that.

 

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